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Written by RandomNinjaNumber38

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beauty in brevity 2 by cristinewakesuphappy

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Submitted on
January 17, 2013
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3.5 KB


155 (who?)
He called me pretty boy when I first came here. Now he calls me trash, if he calls me anything at all.

"Hey trash, pick this up for me."

It didn't even start out as a joke, as if he'd been saying it all along. It didn't bustle merrily across stage, as if it had been sitting in the wings, waiting for its inevitable appearance. It was thrown, like a heckler's open disdain.

Pretty boy became someone else, belonged to someone else.

What was I supposed to think of that? Some bastard boy with more hair on his legs than his face was the same bastard boy I had once been to someone else, when I'd first appeared on the scene.

I had tried to ignore the signs; he had seen them, and acted swiftly.

Just like I'd been tender, and the first pain had been tender, here was an ache that carried still that tenderness - it was a killing ache, but one devoid of love as the ones before it had not been.

Now here in my place was another soft, sweet tender ache for him. The hardening that could only happen was not the one I wanted; my heart was not an organ I wanted firm, thickened, spilled, but handled - yes, oh please -

But now, having once let him in by the hairs on my chin(ny chin chin), I had grown a pelt that caressed me in his stead. No longer was I pork, but only potential predator. Possible competition. No longer prey, but another big bad wolf.


And here I look up at him, but I daren't speak; how can I when it is with a voice that neither of us care for? He has placed a suitcase down, and nudges it with his foot.

"Pick it up," he says. What can I say about his voice that isn't different from his face? He is ice, as far as I am concerned.

"It's got your stuff in it."

"It's been a long time," I attempt. My voice splits between syllables.

He catches my eyes: if he has a soul it is kept behind eyes that are made of frosted window-panes.

Ironically, he holds his arms open. I go toward him with brief hesitation, and he folds me into him.

"You're just my height now," he whispers.

"Just your height," I repeat. It is a stabbing thought as I realise that this is never what he wanted - no amount of hugging, kissing or sentiment can make me worth anything to him now. I am glad he had the best years of my life; it is right that at least one of us had them.

His grip suddenly becomes tight and constrictive. It isn't anything new, but it's not something I had expected now. He growls into the cup of my ear: "Remember, even now, if you ever tell anyone - not that anyone would believe you - you're dead."

Then he's soft again, and smiling, and I am released from him. He taps the waiting case with his foot again, and only when I've picked it up and turned to the door do I hear his - retreating isn't the right word; receding would be more apt - footsteps as he goes back upstairs. I don't think to what - to whom. All I can comprehend is that it is innocence he is interested in, and the age that encompasses it; what does flesh mean to someone who steals entire lives whole?

But it's what I have left. Flesh. Flesh and little else.

I hear a squeal as I close the door, but I know later there'll be screams.
There is no satisfying closing line for a deviation such as this.

EDIT: Holy fuck, a deviation. Holy God. Goddamn. A DD. Bloody Hell. Thank you thank you thank you to :iconxlntwtch: for suggesting and :iconneurotype: for featuring, and a big thank you to all who favourite and comment (I'll be sure to try and give a llama to all who favourite, and to respond to all who comment! <3).

2nd EDIT:: I do read all comments, but all of my replies (for most of my deviations) tend to be along the lines of 'my (many) thanks... etc' and I feel a bit of a cop-out if it just seems if I'm saying the same thing to everyone; but please be assured that I read all of them, and I am grateful (gushingly grateful) to every single one, and to every person!
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-02-14
Wolf Hide by *Psyghostis ( Suggested by xlntwtch and Featured by neurotype )
Critique by Forgotten-Heir Jan 17, 2013, 2:28:16 AM
Wow, I can't even find anything negative to say on the subject; not that I'd want to, but as this is a critique I feel I should give the good and bad.
But this is honestly a perfect piece, you masterfully wrote this and drove the emotion straight from the characters heart into the readers and you have without a doubt made this a most memorable piece that'll be hard to out do, but I bet you are up to the challenge!
My only complaint is that there is not more to read, but no ... it is at the same time perfect with the little that is here, because it leaves so much open to the imagination and that alone is amazing. <3
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
16 out of 18 deviants thought this was fair.

Critique by mastodon-96 Jan 27, 2013, 12:14:36 PM
A very powerful piece. Somewhat of a "taboo" subject outside narrow niches of interest, but you have breached it with intellect and strength of character, confronting every issue within the boundaries of the plot and ensuring that nothing is left untouched.

The bad must come with the good, though, for without it we cannot grow as artists. In its simplest form, my only criticism is that your piece is too wordy. Your phrasing and syntax is imaginative, but you delve too deeply into structure - taking too many words to suggest ideas that would only need a singe clause to bring across.

Aside from that one criticism, your work is a fantastic read. Your figures of speech are appropriate and creative, your vision and flair pushing beyond the parameters of mediocrity into the realms of true art.

Keep it up! ^^
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
18 out of 19 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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Donkey-Hotty Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
One more favorite wouldn't hurt, amirite? *faves*
Psyghostis Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh good deity, no! Definitely not. And my many thanks for all of them. :D
anapests-and-ink Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is wonderfully disturbing. The thought of the victim knowing that he has been victimized and still being so attached....It's horrible. And perfect. I love it.

A very well-deserved DD. :heart:
Psyghostis Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I've got quite an infatuation with Stockholm Syndrome and the psyche of the people who are affected; do they ever feel trapped, do you think, or does it feel just the same as love does? I think it's due to my internal feelings of helpless devotion, or rather, of being so devoted that you enjoy being that helpless toward another person, or people. It's either a grand statement of trust, or of complete foolishness, perhaps.

In this case, I think the attachment is a coping device; if the protagonist has convinced himself that he loves his abuser, than he can probably tell himself that he allowed himself to be (ab)used, and keep a sense of false control. Then again, if (and I might write a sequel to this, as it were) he discovers that, abuse or not, he really did love his abuser, I wonder how he'd deal with that in turn.

Thank you for the great comment. <3
anapests-and-ink Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You played that out very well. I don't know that I've ever given much thought to Stockholm Syndrome myself, but you've portrayed it exactly as I might imagine it. I would love to see a sequel. :)
Aurora9912 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Psyghostis Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :)
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013   Writer
:iconcongratsddplz: ... I just love this piece.
kelevren Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013
love it!
Psyghostis Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :D
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